“Being listened to is so close to being loved that most people cannot tell the difference.” –David Oxberg

Have you ever done a “listening course?” Probably not. It’s far more likely you have done presentation, speaking, and/or negotiation courses. Most programs for professional development that relate to communication have to do with how we present ourselves and how we speak versus how we listen.

Collaborative leadership requires active listening, willingness to consider, validate and explore others’ ideas, and being open to ideas that are not already in your “mental File Cabinet.” Given the cultural emphasis on our personal presentation and communication style you may not have considered how much impact how you listen has on your conversations, their effectiveness and their outcome. So what prevents you from listening? At first it may be a response to personal beliefs about leadership. Many believe that leaders should be steering, requesting or perhaps even demanding things from their team instead of listening.

But there’s more to it. I find that underneath many leaders avoid certain conversations and/or people out of their fear that if they listen, they will have to agree. In these cases they have presumed that the conversation or person will be bringing up ideas that are not part of their historic mental File Cabinet of ideas and beliefs. They are unwilling to even entertain unfamiliar ideas, let alone change any of theirs.

There is an important piece here–the option to say “no.” It is key and its use is closely correlated with courage, or the lack thereof. (By courage, I’m referring to the poet David Whyte’s view, which he defines as “developing a friendship with the unknown.”)

Here’s the deal. You can listen generously and openly, consider the other’s ideas and proposals and then say “no,” if you still aren’t enrolled. The majority of people will be more thrilled by your willingness to consider their views than put off by your “no.”  After all, you have already been saying no by not listening. Now, you are being authentic, after genuinely considering the views of others.

So the next time you see that person coming towards your office, pause and listen to the story you are telling yourself about what’s next. “I’ve got too much to do to listen to them.” “If I stop and pay attention they will never leave…” What if that’s all mental defense, protecting your cherished beliefs and avoiding your own discomfort at possibly having to say “no?”

What if you get courageous? What if this time, you listen openly and with genuine interest? I refer you back to the quote that started this post “Being listened to is so close to being loved that most people cannot tell the difference.” –David Oxberg

What kind of positive impact could listening have on your relationships and your team?

Indivisible: “Not divisible; unable to be divided or separated.”

In a time where public conversations seem to be attempting to capitalize on dividing us; by political party, 99%/1% (economic bracket), religious belief, nation of origin, you name it, what has happened to the inspirational idea of “one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all?”

One company has stepped up with a strategy to break the divisiveness mindset gripping our country and is taking a leadership role in directly impacting one of the core issues in our society – creating economic opportunity.

Starbucks has been running a fundraising drive for some months now, in partnership with Opportunity Finance Network to create jobs by providing financing to community businesses. It has invested $5 million through its Starbucks Foundation to get the campaign going and invites patrons at all Starbuck’s retail stores to fund from $5 to $249 at the register. Larger amounts will be accepted at http://www.createjobsforusa.org.

Participants receive a very brief, informative note and a wristband with the theme “Indivisible” on it. Much more information and wonderful success stories are available on the website along with details on how a contribution actually generates seven times the initial amount when the micro-finance loans are made in the community.

So why would a company like Starbucks choose the word “indivisible?” I didn’t find any discussion of that on my initial reviews of the materials, perhaps because it is so obvious. Conditions will probably not change much for a long time, particularly for the folks on the low end of the economic ladder unless we pull together as a nation and focus on creating opportunity.

It is a well established fact that entrepreneurs and small business create the vast majority of jobs in our country. Even more than jobs, in my mind, is the business of creating opportunity. Meaning that people have openings to express their creativity, to innovate, to bring new ideas and ways of doing things into the marketplace, not just offer the “sweat of their brows.” This is how new things grow in our economy.

I would ask you to take a moment and consider – are you a “divider” in your thoughts and speaking?  Are you gripped by the current self-defeating public conversations? Are you spreading the negativity among your teammates, company, family and community? Are you just busy trying to get more for yourself or can you experience the longer term benefits to all of us from activities that benefit all?

With the “create jobs” campaign a renewed paradigm called “Indivisible” has been proposed. Will you join in the conversation and the funding?

“When every resource in your organization is efficiently and collaboratively working toward a desired end state, without leader involvement in daily activity, you have an execution culture.” - Stuart Orr

In his presentation “Executing Strategy: Unlocking Your Organization’s Market Potential,” Stuart Orr of vision2execution, addressed one of the greatest opportunities for productivity gains in our economy today. He calls it the “vision gap” and cites two powerful quotes to drive his point home.

“The average firm achieves about 63% of its strategic plan.” - McKinsey & Harvard Business School study

“Only 5% of large-scale changes actually work.” - John Kotter: HBS author of “A Sense of Urgency”

Stuart digs deeply and delivers practical ways to organize your thoughts and actions so that the team delivers at high levels and has a meaningful experience in the process. What was most exciting to me was how his ideas speak to the question we have asked leaders for years, “what time could you go home if everyone in your organization simply came to work, did their job, and went home.” What’s your answer?

The piece I want to add to Stuart’s approach is that it all starts with you as a leader and your willingness to challenge your own ways of thinking and being in very fundamental ways. If you are not willing to allow deep intervention into your historic assumptions and beliefs, all of which reside in your own mind, his very sound and practical approach will not be heard or processed in a way that leads to new outcomes.

The challenge is neither easy nor a one-time occurrence. Like going to gym, it’s all about repetition and consistency. It is also unlikely you can do it completely by yourself. You already know what your own self-referential thought processes produce – the way that it is and is not for you and your interactions right now.

This is why peer groups like Vistage are so important and perhaps is the explanation why members stay inVistage groups for 20, 30, and even 40+ years. Having a group of competent people around you who you don’t control and yet who are deeply committed to your success and well being keeps you exploring possibilities versus holding on to past ways of thinking and speaking that are no longer serving you and those around you. If you are not a “group person,” it’s important to do one-to-one work with a coach or some other type of outside support professional.

If you don’t yet have access to a Vistage group, and aren’t ready to hire a coach, download a set of our Operating Principles by clicking here. (These Principles have been developed and road tested with hundreds of people for success during the last 20 years.) Ask yourself, “what might be possible in my interactions and the outcomes I am working on with my team if we were living these principles?”

So as a leader, how much do you want a culture that delivers – an “execution culture?” Are you willing to really challenge your existing mindset? Please be slow to answer…it is not necessarily comfortable. It will take real courage. If you want a culture that delivers it starts with you.

“Displacement” is an unconscious defense mechanism whereby the mind redirects affects from an object felt to be dangerous or unacceptable to an object felt to be safe or acceptable. ~Sigmund Freud

“Displacement” actually has a variety of definitions. Our use of the term is similar to this one “the displacing in space of one mass byanother” only we mean it metaphorically. It came from our work and observation of how non-productive thoughts and related behaviors recede into the background in the presence of Vision-Focused Leadership and how quickly they return when the vision collapses. The phenomenon we witness is much like when water has been displaced by a boat. The water doesn’t go away, but the boat takes up the space where water used to be. While it is coincidental that we arrived at a term used in a different field, it is interesting to discover that Freud’s views of brain function actually seem to validate our observations. The difference is he was seeing subconscious avoidance behaviors and we are observing a conscious shift to displace non-productive thoughts and behaviors.

A powerful shared vision will “displace” much of what people gossip and complain about in an organization. Statements like “we have a really dysfunctional company” are seldom heard and motivating people isn’t a major issue, as the shared vision unleashes passion, commitment, and focused action.  The focus on vision displaces much of the friction and waste that go on when people’s day-to-day experience at work looks much more like a soap opera.

It’s important to note that the soap opera components have not gone away. People have not magically “gotten better” or “fixed themselves.” (This is why we say “displacement” instead of “replacement.”)  Friction and waste have been displaced, for the time being, much as water has been displaced by a boat. The water didn’t go away either. The boat hull, like a shared vision, allows air, boat components, fuel, and passengers to fill the space of the displaced water.

The same experience applies in our own individual lives and work. I often hear clients trying to fix themselves and making relatively useless statements like “I’ve got to stop doing that,” or “I’m going to stop thinking that way.” I have observed very few instances where anyone, including me, ever delivered on such a statement. I have observed many times where I and others have displaced the noise in our heads with powerful, productive thoughts and actions after we have declared and owned a new vision.

I stumbled into Freud’s notion about displacement in Wikipedia when I was getting ready to write this post. It’s interesting to note that it got very little attention in the psychology world and certainly hasn’t crept into any of our business lexicon. I suspect that part of the issue, in addition to the academic nature of the discussion at the time, has been his focus on understanding “broken people” and how they avoid “reality.” (Leading from a belief that “my people are broken and they need to be fixed” doesn’t work either.)

Do you have a clear purpose or vision for yourself and/or your organization that you can articulate simply?Does your team or family have a powerful, shared vision? What thoughts and behaviors might be displaced if you get busy consciously leading from a place of vision?